a cover letter

Dear Company ________,
I am writing to you regarding the _______ position. I am thrilled to be considered for this opportunity. I've applied for approximately six thousand other jobs that have not called me to schedule an interview and, upon finding this job listing, came to understand that I would be able to complete this job while simultaneously g-chatting and playing 5 games of Scrabulous. Additionally, I would receive health benefits under your employ. These are values I strongly adhere to. I am honored to be considered for this position and would love to become a member of your team, in spite of the fact I have never heard of your organization (seriously, who has?).
As my resume will surely help you to understand, I am very overqualified for this job. In fact, there are chimpanzees that are very overqualified for this job. Nevertheless, you probably won't call me, because you probably only call NYU students. They are exorbitantly wealthy and there are zillions of them, true, and living in Virginia for the undergraduate years hasn't taught me much about the rich cultural fabric of New York City, true. But they are just idiots with good haircuts. Come on, you know its true.
So, employer, call me. Seriously. Help me end this depersonalizing charade called "the job search." As a skilled and smart human being, I don't want to deal with this inexplicable rejection any longer, and you don't want to expend the effort to go through all those remaining resumes. You won't be disappointed.

Yours,
Caitlyn Smith

P.S. I'm cute.

P.P.S. I know where you live.