Yea, yea, I say unto ye:
Verily, Chipotle is providing free burritos on this All Hallow's Eve. Yea, go forth and fetch an 1800-calorie, 3-pound, sour cream drenched burrito, swollen with rice and guacamole and a spicy blend of cilantro and chili. All you have to do is fashion an accessory made of tin foil, like my tin foil yarmulke. Each of you, take this burrito and eat it, for it is thine, and there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth, yadda yadda yadda, amen. Oh, for Halloween, I'm a conservative Jew.
Hey, a man asked his waiter, "Hey, there's a fly in my matzo ball soup!"
"What? If it's free, why're you complaining?"
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Extermination
So every other Monday I have to stay late at work to wait for the exterminator to come. He's a strange (and really, really nice) dude, Matt, but that's neither here nor there. In the past I've had conversations with him about women's gymnastics (he's a big fan) and dwarf sex (he's a big fan).
Last night, after telling me about his love of haunted attractions (houses, hayrides, etc.), he told me how he's planning a tour of the Northeast for next year. He is preparing evaluation forms for the tour, to be filled out by participants after each stop. The tour, see, will be of haunted attractions and, in his words, "really bad strip clubs." He is planning on using the same evaluation form for the strip clubs and attractions alike. See, funny, right? After I told him that he needs to stop in Burlington County, New Jersey, which is hell on earth and chock full of really bad strip clubs, he invited me on the tour. Umm...fuck yeah?
Last night, after telling me about his love of haunted attractions (houses, hayrides, etc.), he told me how he's planning a tour of the Northeast for next year. He is preparing evaluation forms for the tour, to be filled out by participants after each stop. The tour, see, will be of haunted attractions and, in his words, "really bad strip clubs." He is planning on using the same evaluation form for the strip clubs and attractions alike. See, funny, right? After I told him that he needs to stop in Burlington County, New Jersey, which is hell on earth and chock full of really bad strip clubs, he invited me on the tour. Umm...fuck yeah?
Friday, October 24, 2008
THE BOYZ ARE BACK
oh dear sweet lord, EVERYONE should go see High School Musical 3.
After drinking heavily.
Oh god, it's just...
...there are no words.
After drinking heavily.
Oh god, it's just...
...there are no words.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Note Re: Me
Hello all. I haven’t posted on here for quite awhile, and, actually, haven’t meaningfully interacted with most of you for at least as long. I suppose the purpose of this entry is to solicit you all for a bit of patience with me. Without going into too much detail, I will say that I am going through some proverbial shit right now. In fact, I have been for a very long time. Said shit has rendered it very difficult, if not impossible, to be normal in social situations. It has taken the joy out of my life in many ways and made me into a real drag to be around.
You have noticed this, I’m sure, and probably remarked on it to other readers of this blog. It might have prompted questions such as, “wow, why is someone as spectacularly amazing as Cait together with this guy?” And so on. It has made me pretty unbearable to be around, I’m sure, especially at parties and the like.
I’m a strong believer in the notion that one is nothing other than the sum of his/her actions. In this sense, it is difficult to make any claims about this person that I have been of late not being the “real me.” In a very true sense, I am the awkward, withdrawn dude that you’ve seen for a long time now. I am the fellow who hasn’t contributed anything meaningful to a conversation with any of you in recent memory. While I realize that this will only change when a change is manifest in my actions, the capacity for this change is assuredly there. The thing is, underneath the fucked up shell-of-a-person that you guys have seen of me, I’m actually, like, the coolest dude there is. Srsly: so awesome.
There are two reasons that you should bear with me. First, I’m self-aware. At least I’m conscious of how lame I’ve been. Second, I’m trying hard to get past whatever hang-ups I have that have left me socially retarded. I’ve been in therapy for a few months now, and while progress has been slow (as was painfully evident at, say, Dan’s party this weekend), I assure you that it is there. I think that some breakthroughs are imminent.
I know some of you better than others, but I think that all of you are remarkable. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to be the friend to you that many of you are to each other. I wrote this to give you a glimpse into an (unfortunately) dominant part of my life at the moment, lest you think that I have been a generally disappointing person for any reason other than the ones given above. I’ve basically been paralyzed by fear of social interaction for a while now, and I want to do better. Please bear with me, and hopefully I’ll be able to offer more (in many ways) in the not-too-distant future.
In other news, I'm interviewing tomorrow for a job with this research group in the City. They maintain a large network of industry experts in five different fields (telecom, energy and industrials, healthcare, etc.). Institutional investors call them with industry-specific questions requiring the advice of an expert, and the research group selects an appropriate expert and arranges consultation. The idea is that it is much more efficient for this research group to provide this service than for the investor to seek out the proper expert and deal with getting in touch. I would be in charge of matching investors with experts. The cool thing is that they are looking for someone to deal mostly with German clients. I would be that person, dealing on a daily basis with German executives and such in the arena of alternative energies and heavy industrials. So that's cool. Put them German skillz to use. Wish me luck.
Mostly been listenin' to Bembeya Jazz National and mixes from this place.
You have noticed this, I’m sure, and probably remarked on it to other readers of this blog. It might have prompted questions such as, “wow, why is someone as spectacularly amazing as Cait together with this guy?” And so on. It has made me pretty unbearable to be around, I’m sure, especially at parties and the like.
I’m a strong believer in the notion that one is nothing other than the sum of his/her actions. In this sense, it is difficult to make any claims about this person that I have been of late not being the “real me.” In a very true sense, I am the awkward, withdrawn dude that you’ve seen for a long time now. I am the fellow who hasn’t contributed anything meaningful to a conversation with any of you in recent memory. While I realize that this will only change when a change is manifest in my actions, the capacity for this change is assuredly there. The thing is, underneath the fucked up shell-of-a-person that you guys have seen of me, I’m actually, like, the coolest dude there is. Srsly: so awesome.
There are two reasons that you should bear with me. First, I’m self-aware. At least I’m conscious of how lame I’ve been. Second, I’m trying hard to get past whatever hang-ups I have that have left me socially retarded. I’ve been in therapy for a few months now, and while progress has been slow (as was painfully evident at, say, Dan’s party this weekend), I assure you that it is there. I think that some breakthroughs are imminent.
I know some of you better than others, but I think that all of you are remarkable. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to be the friend to you that many of you are to each other. I wrote this to give you a glimpse into an (unfortunately) dominant part of my life at the moment, lest you think that I have been a generally disappointing person for any reason other than the ones given above. I’ve basically been paralyzed by fear of social interaction for a while now, and I want to do better. Please bear with me, and hopefully I’ll be able to offer more (in many ways) in the not-too-distant future.
In other news, I'm interviewing tomorrow for a job with this research group in the City. They maintain a large network of industry experts in five different fields (telecom, energy and industrials, healthcare, etc.). Institutional investors call them with industry-specific questions requiring the advice of an expert, and the research group selects an appropriate expert and arranges consultation. The idea is that it is much more efficient for this research group to provide this service than for the investor to seek out the proper expert and deal with getting in touch. I would be in charge of matching investors with experts. The cool thing is that they are looking for someone to deal mostly with German clients. I would be that person, dealing on a daily basis with German executives and such in the arena of alternative energies and heavy industrials. So that's cool. Put them German skillz to use. Wish me luck.
Mostly been listenin' to Bembeya Jazz National and mixes from this place.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
XTREME WOMENS HEALTH!!!!!!!! RRRRRAAAAWWWWWRRRR
That being said, my absentee ballot is mailed, I did my thang, McCain/Palin suck and blah blah blah, polls look pretty, so now I sit back and laugh...
In re Womyn's "Health" Care
I, for one, thought the recent performance by John McCain at the last debate was downright appalling, especially his use of women's health in air quotes. Sort of like using air quotes while saying the universal suffrage movement in the early 20th century was women's "liberation."
Would McCain get away with that one? Given his previous record of being slightly more aware of women's health concerns, McCain seems to have lost major ground on this topic, but of course, isn't that the same across his platform? I don't mean this in the pejorative sense that's bandied about a lot these days, but McCain is such a visibly old man, in his actions, behavior and willingness to sacrifice his "integrity" for political stature. I recall the same was true for W. in 2000 and 2004.
That said, there were plenty of gaffes last evening that I thought put McCain in such a poor light, and I wished Obama would have been more active in asserting those falsehoods. All in all, in my own opinion, Obama proved again to be a capable politician and an assertive, albeit sometimes too cordial debater. But that's enough from me on the topic; too often, I find that many people are prone to providing critical analysis beyond their knowledge, and that's just as foolish as those who pretend to know and direct public policy.
Although I will say this: see "Religulous," by Bill Maher. I know there is a sizable number of people who think Maher is brash, arrogant and that he commits the exact foolish act I just described; however, that conclusion ignores the premise of "Religulous" and of Maher's philosophy.
The fact is, as Maher asserts, we don't know what's out there. I can say that I'm an atheist because there is no proof that a god does or does not exist, but it remains that, well, I don't hold any dogmas about it. In the scope of things, it doesn't matter to what opinions we hold our personal philosophies and way of life.
What matters is when people contend they "talk" to their god, and then act in that god's name or will. The history of humanity is driven by gods, the gods of myth and finance, the gods that others create and we consume. It's one of our deepest and most historical attributes, the will to believe in the unbelievable.
For finance, we can see the charade when the system trips or collapses, but for religion, well, we only see the catastrophic death wrought by fanatic belief and lack of reasoned dialogue. And that's not a leap of judgment: it's evident in our world that dogmatic belief in religion, be it mythical, financial, political. I think Maher treats the subject deftly and concludes his film succinctly with a serious call to getting people to the table and working out a sustainable future.
Well, that shouldn't spoil the film at all. Go see it!
As far as life, it's going pretty well. I'm still searching for a permanent social scene in D.C. Everyone tends to be very busy here -- even the weekends seem like matters of business! Flitting here, there, going out of town there and now and later, and I'm left here many times to read and write, two activities I've been meaning to do for a long time now. I've met a few creative people here in D.C., which gives me hope for the short term that I won't be bereft of active minds in a sea of busybodies.
Maybe after I figure out how poor I will be in November as I begin paying back thousands of dollars in student loans, I should go to N.Y. The weather is perfect for it. Who would be willing to house a poor man like me? I will provide drinks, good cheer and some of my business cards cut up and fashioned into a carnation-rose-hydrangea bouquet.
Would McCain get away with that one? Given his previous record of being slightly more aware of women's health concerns, McCain seems to have lost major ground on this topic, but of course, isn't that the same across his platform? I don't mean this in the pejorative sense that's bandied about a lot these days, but McCain is such a visibly old man, in his actions, behavior and willingness to sacrifice his "integrity" for political stature. I recall the same was true for W. in 2000 and 2004.
That said, there were plenty of gaffes last evening that I thought put McCain in such a poor light, and I wished Obama would have been more active in asserting those falsehoods. All in all, in my own opinion, Obama proved again to be a capable politician and an assertive, albeit sometimes too cordial debater. But that's enough from me on the topic; too often, I find that many people are prone to providing critical analysis beyond their knowledge, and that's just as foolish as those who pretend to know and direct public policy.
Although I will say this: see "Religulous," by Bill Maher. I know there is a sizable number of people who think Maher is brash, arrogant and that he commits the exact foolish act I just described; however, that conclusion ignores the premise of "Religulous" and of Maher's philosophy.
The fact is, as Maher asserts, we don't know what's out there. I can say that I'm an atheist because there is no proof that a god does or does not exist, but it remains that, well, I don't hold any dogmas about it. In the scope of things, it doesn't matter to what opinions we hold our personal philosophies and way of life.
What matters is when people contend they "talk" to their god, and then act in that god's name or will. The history of humanity is driven by gods, the gods of myth and finance, the gods that others create and we consume. It's one of our deepest and most historical attributes, the will to believe in the unbelievable.
For finance, we can see the charade when the system trips or collapses, but for religion, well, we only see the catastrophic death wrought by fanatic belief and lack of reasoned dialogue. And that's not a leap of judgment: it's evident in our world that dogmatic belief in religion, be it mythical, financial, political. I think Maher treats the subject deftly and concludes his film succinctly with a serious call to getting people to the table and working out a sustainable future.
Well, that shouldn't spoil the film at all. Go see it!
As far as life, it's going pretty well. I'm still searching for a permanent social scene in D.C. Everyone tends to be very busy here -- even the weekends seem like matters of business! Flitting here, there, going out of town there and now and later, and I'm left here many times to read and write, two activities I've been meaning to do for a long time now. I've met a few creative people here in D.C., which gives me hope for the short term that I won't be bereft of active minds in a sea of busybodies.
Maybe after I figure out how poor I will be in November as I begin paying back thousands of dollars in student loans, I should go to N.Y. The weather is perfect for it. Who would be willing to house a poor man like me? I will provide drinks, good cheer and some of my business cards cut up and fashioned into a carnation-rose-hydrangea bouquet.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
wow.
copied from a gmail convo i just had explaining what just occurred in my office:
we had a "graduation" for people who just finished a training course so
they had like 15 caregivers
who were graduating
and they have a big ceremony
in a conference room
with balloons
and im gonna get sweet leftovers
anyway
after the president and vp gave little congrats speeches
one of the graduates
did a "spirit dance"
in which she put on some weird yoga music shit
and did really awkward pirhouettes in a space that was way too small
and she was wearing like white flowing pants
and it went on for like 5 minutes
and THEN
another graduate
got up and sang one love by bob marley
but
she forgot the recording
so she was singing a capella style
and she was completely tone deaf
completely
and she only sang like one verse because she forgot the words
hear the children crying, hear the children crying
one lo-ooove
it was seriously the funniest thing ive ever seen that i havent been allowed to laugh at
we had a "graduation" for people who just finished a training course so
they had like 15 caregivers
who were graduating
and they have a big ceremony
in a conference room
with balloons
and im gonna get sweet leftovers
anyway
after the president and vp gave little congrats speeches
one of the graduates
did a "spirit dance"
in which she put on some weird yoga music shit
and did really awkward pirhouettes in a space that was way too small
and she was wearing like white flowing pants
and it went on for like 5 minutes
and THEN
another graduate
got up and sang one love by bob marley
but
she forgot the recording
so she was singing a capella style
and she was completely tone deaf
completely
and she only sang like one verse because she forgot the words
hear the children crying, hear the children crying
one lo-ooove
it was seriously the funniest thing ive ever seen that i havent been allowed to laugh at
Monday, October 6, 2008
Confessions of an AutoRickroller
Even though its putative purpose is to irritate and disrupt, I really enjoy being rickrolled. In fact, I think Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" (Whenever You Need Somebody, 1987, RCA) is a terrific pop song, though its attendant video leaves something to be desired. Of the single, allmusic.com astutely notes:
Who can remain unshaken by such romantic calls-to-arms? Frankly, I'm at a point in my life where I'd really like to be told by someone that I'm "never gonna [be] give[n] ... up [on]," though I'd prefer that that "someone" be (a) female, (b) under the age of thirty, and (c) not ironically appropriated by a viral web meme. Sadly, these criteria more or less render Rick Astley a nonstarter.
Still, in my more vulnerable moments of web-surfing I kind of foster this inchoate hope to be rickrolled, i.e., I click on every hyperlink in sight under the delusion that maybe, say, NYTimes.com will rickroll me. It's like the trope of the lonely guy who, on his birthday, periodically flings open the front door in hopes of being "surprised" by a bouquet of flowers or festively-wrapped fruit basket or singing telegram or enormous cardboard check courtesy of the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol, only to find his stoop unadorned.
So to cut to the chase, earlier today I rickrolled myself, and when the YouTube video ended I clicked "play again," and there's simply no saying when it's all going to end.
The song was driven by a busy rhythm track and a synthesized string section strongly reminiscent of late-'70s disco productions, while Astley's distinctive voice boomed over the top. Perhaps the most memorable flourish on "Never Gonna Give You Up" is the way Astley handles the chorus, which alternates rapid-fire 16th notes with longer, off-the-beat triplets; his delivery is impeccably smooth, navigating the rhythmically shifting melody with ease.No argument here -- those triplets are the shit. While its technical features are endearing enough, "Never Gonna Give You Up" is also lyrically reassuring, a bulwark in these trying emotional times. "Inside we both know what's been goin' on," Astley sings: "We know the game, and we're gonna play it."
Who can remain unshaken by such romantic calls-to-arms? Frankly, I'm at a point in my life where I'd really like to be told by someone that I'm "never gonna [be] give[n] ... up [on]," though I'd prefer that that "someone" be (a) female, (b) under the age of thirty, and (c) not ironically appropriated by a viral web meme. Sadly, these criteria more or less render Rick Astley a nonstarter.
Still, in my more vulnerable moments of web-surfing I kind of foster this inchoate hope to be rickrolled, i.e., I click on every hyperlink in sight under the delusion that maybe, say, NYTimes.com will rickroll me. It's like the trope of the lonely guy who, on his birthday, periodically flings open the front door in hopes of being "surprised" by a bouquet of flowers or festively-wrapped fruit basket or singing telegram or enormous cardboard check courtesy of the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol, only to find his stoop unadorned.
So to cut to the chase, earlier today I rickrolled myself, and when the YouTube video ended I clicked "play again," and there's simply no saying when it's all going to end.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
an update
why hello there, friends!
i have a job now. i am an outreach associate at the al*zhe*ime*r's as*soc*iat*ion. i like it! i recruit volunteers and staff for health/agency/ street fairs, coordinate fundraising events for a group of involved young-professional volunteers, and coordinate a speaker series. they keep me busy enough. the people are very very nice. and i have health and dental benefits. no complaints!
i just completed week one and it was absolutely tolerable. hooray!
i can't go to homecoming, because we have our annual "memory walk" that weekend. so that's sad, but i'm going to go for the jens lekman concert instead. andy and david, you are doing this as well? also, i think sam and maybe dan are doing this, too? a reasonable consolation, except i won't get to spend a weekend in my natural habitat with the likes of lucia and j.house and katie j. but lulu, i'll see you this month anyway.
mostly these days, i watch a lot of tv. the msnbc "clown show," i.e. matthews/olberman/maddow, has received a nightly residency in my home. i love it. i love how they pander to me. i eat that shit up. also, i watch jeopardy and wheel of fortune. pat sajak is a depressing little man.
oh, and the food network.
we had a bunch of people over the other night for the vp debate, including of course dan and charlotte. it was a super fun and also kind of surreal and wacky political experience. A+.
what should i be for halloween? how many people do you think will be sexy sarah palin for halloween this year? maybe i will do that. i need a flag pin.
i have a job now. i am an outreach associate at the al*zhe*ime*r's as*soc*iat*ion. i like it! i recruit volunteers and staff for health/agency/ street fairs, coordinate fundraising events for a group of involved young-professional volunteers, and coordinate a speaker series. they keep me busy enough. the people are very very nice. and i have health and dental benefits. no complaints!
i just completed week one and it was absolutely tolerable. hooray!
i can't go to homecoming, because we have our annual "memory walk" that weekend. so that's sad, but i'm going to go for the jens lekman concert instead. andy and david, you are doing this as well? also, i think sam and maybe dan are doing this, too? a reasonable consolation, except i won't get to spend a weekend in my natural habitat with the likes of lucia and j.house and katie j. but lulu, i'll see you this month anyway.
mostly these days, i watch a lot of tv. the msnbc "clown show," i.e. matthews/olberman/maddow, has received a nightly residency in my home. i love it. i love how they pander to me. i eat that shit up. also, i watch jeopardy and wheel of fortune. pat sajak is a depressing little man.
oh, and the food network.
we had a bunch of people over the other night for the vp debate, including of course dan and charlotte. it was a super fun and also kind of surreal and wacky political experience. A+.
what should i be for halloween? how many people do you think will be sexy sarah palin for halloween this year? maybe i will do that. i need a flag pin.
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