i quit my job today because it wasn't the right position for me, as it turns out, so that's all fine and good i guess. i'm coming home to new york sometime tomorrow. my (former) boss is getting in touch with the company travel agent so i'll know my plans later tonight, i guess.
i'd imagine this needs some explanation, so here goes:
i've had mega concerns as of the last few days regarding the position, how much i actually like canvassing, whether or not this is the right place for me within this movement, how much i agree with the canvass culture i've been exposed to here in MN and whether or not i think it's an effective leadership model that i will want to perpetuate when i get back to NY, etc. yes, those are a lot of concerns. basically it boils down to: there was something unidentifiable holding me back from liking this job and thinking it was the right job for me. i mean, it simply just wasn't the right job for me. end of story.
regardless, my MN boss calls me into her office today for a one on one, which i immediately felt nervous about. she more or less outlined why my behavior and speech had given her several "red flags" about my feelings toward this job, many of which i agreed with, some of which i did not. she made sure to insult me by calling me an "immature leader" about 5 times throughout the conversation, which was neither necessary nor true, so that was fucking frustrating and of course put me in a position to feel a) bruised and b) like i needed to defend myself. i don't know if any of you have heard about this "minnesota nice" phenomenon, but it's when someone acts really nice to your face but underhandedly or backstabbingly insults and degrades you. my (...former) MN boss is a master of this.
regardless, she told me i should decide whether or not i want this job by 5 pm. i called her and resigned at 4:15.
i have a lot more things to say. switching to list format:
1) door-to-door fundraising is not for me, even if it would mean i could have a directorship title for NARAL -- it requires a seriously unique kind of person who is able to really, intensely control her emotions at all times, and i am not cut out for that
2) continuing this would have been a waste of my talents and a waste of pro-choice funds!
3) the split was amicable -- the NY office said that if they had any other positions they'd surely consider me and they're forwarding my resume to and recommending me for a community organizer position with an NYC assemblywoman
is that all? i guess that's all. i'm not a quitter; i'm just aware of my capabilities and this is not one of them.
i'm moving to brooklyn this weekend now, and i'm super fucking excited about it. also, sam was here this weekend (just left today...i called him while he was at the airport to tell him i quit) and we had a really, really nice time.
i can write more about that later.
ok that's all.
back to new york we go! where i really belong!,
cait
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