Come one, come all...

umm...to our place tomorrow night to watch returns? When the happy news is made official (and knock on wood, like knuckle-busting hard, that it will be) we will parade to Dan, Lee, and Alex's place, bottles of liquor ready for liberal dispensation to any interested Fellow Pedestrians and Assorted Revelers to party in the neighborhood through the night. 515 5th St., buzzer 7. Call me or Cait.

Life in an Air Shaft

Hi All,
So, I am sick yet again and blogging from crown heights, bklyn, where I've just slept for 10 hours in a bed that isn't entirely mine.

Over the past few weeks a lot of hilarious things have happened but in my mucus-soaked state I can only remember a few.

1) A conversation with my air-shaft neighbor:
The windows of my room face out onto a narrow airshaft and look directly onto another apartment no more than 5 feet away (this is part of a tenement law that stipulates all rooms must have windows) . On more than one occasion I have heard/seen my neighbor having sex. NBD, it happens. BUT on tuesday evening while she and her friend were watching biggest loser (I can hear absolutely everything that goes one in there) the inebriated pair lean toward the window (after we've accidentally made awkward eyecontact across the shaft) and my neighbor shouts "I hear you guys having sex ALL the TIME." Awesome. I have to move now.

2) Jo-Bros and Hannah take to the Streets
Halloween: The Jonas Brothers - Abby, Alex, Charlotte
Hannah Montana - Josh (from work)
Results: Polaroid Perfection.

Let's see, what else?
Oh yeah! Layoffs! FUCKING HILARIOUS My job is fine but 22 people from my AmEx pub group were laid off on tuesday followed by Thursday's announcement of a 10% company layoff of 7,000 employees. Oh Amex, you delight me. In other news:Goodbye Radar, CosmoGirl, and RealSimpe and regrets to the 600 Time Inc. employees laid off as well. I'm oh so glad that I am simultaneously in publishing AND finance since my group is owned by a credit giant.

Then there was homecoming, no death threat from Ashley this year, so that's an improvement but there was a lot of drunk awkward. I saw Champe - it went surprisingly well considering I was almost comatose, definitely hungover from the day's drinking, and certainly not prepared to see him. I spent most of my time with Lizzie - the exact reason for my sojourn to the south. So I guess it was a pretty ideal weekend save for the rain on saturday and the ambush saturday night.

Yesterday Alex and I went to see the Chanel Mobile Art Exhibit in Central Park. Everyone should go. It was the best 0 bucks I've spent in years. Zaha Hadid is Brilliant, as is Kaiser Karl and his arty minions. Leventhal was a little creepy which is to be expected. Go. Seriously. Go.

That's all. Happy extra hour. I'm off to prepare my SAT lessons for NYCares. I love the two kids I'm tutoring and am in the process of figuring out a good way to get them to fall in love. I assigned 10 things I hate about you to the chick because she's apathetic about visiting sarah lawrence (which with my help she may actually be able to get in to).

God's Witness on this Earth

Yea, yea, I say unto ye:

Verily, Chipotle is providing free burritos on this All Hallow's Eve. Yea, go forth and fetch an 1800-calorie, 3-pound, sour cream drenched burrito, swollen with rice and guacamole and a spicy blend of cilantro and chili. All you have to do is fashion an accessory made of tin foil, like my tin foil yarmulke. Each of you, take this burrito and eat it, for it is thine, and there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth, yadda yadda yadda, amen. Oh, for Halloween, I'm a conservative Jew.

Hey, a man asked his waiter, "Hey, there's a fly in my matzo ball soup!"

"What? If it's free, why're you complaining?"

Extermination

So every other Monday I have to stay late at work to wait for the exterminator to come. He's a strange (and really, really nice) dude, Matt, but that's neither here nor there. In the past I've had conversations with him about women's gymnastics (he's a big fan) and dwarf sex (he's a big fan).

Last night, after telling me about his love of haunted attractions (houses, hayrides, etc.), he told me how he's planning a tour of the Northeast for next year. He is preparing evaluation forms for the tour, to be filled out by participants after each stop. The tour, see, will be of haunted attractions and, in his words, "really bad strip clubs." He is planning on using the same evaluation form for the strip clubs and attractions alike. See, funny, right? After I told him that he needs to stop in Burlington County, New Jersey, which is hell on earth and chock full of really bad strip clubs, he invited me on the tour. Umm...fuck yeah?

THE BOYZ ARE BACK

oh dear sweet lord, EVERYONE should go see High School Musical 3.



After drinking heavily.



Oh god, it's just...



...there are no words.

For the hardened realist

Real Geschäft

For the Soft Hearted

Bunnies