Showing posts with label self-deprecation in the face of sheer terror. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-deprecation in the face of sheer terror. Show all posts

Monday, October 6, 2008

Confessions of an AutoRickroller

Even though its putative purpose is to irritate and disrupt, I really enjoy being rickrolled. In fact, I think Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" (Whenever You Need Somebody, 1987, RCA) is a terrific pop song, though its attendant video leaves something to be desired. Of the single, allmusic.com astutely notes:
The song was driven by a busy rhythm track and a synthesized string section strongly reminiscent of late-'70s disco productions, while Astley's distinctive voice boomed over the top. Perhaps the most memorable flourish on "Never Gonna Give You Up" is the way Astley handles the chorus, which alternates rapid-fire 16th notes with longer, off-the-beat triplets; his delivery is impeccably smooth, navigating the rhythmically shifting melody with ease.
No argument here -- those triplets are the shit. While its technical features are endearing enough, "Never Gonna Give You Up" is also lyrically reassuring, a bulwark in these trying emotional times. "Inside we both know what's been goin' on," Astley sings: "We know the game, and we're gonna play it."

Who can remain unshaken by such romantic calls-to-arms? Frankly, I'm at a point in my life where I'd really like to be told by someone that I'm "never gonna [be] give[n] ... up [on]," though I'd prefer that that "someone" be (a) female, (b) under the age of thirty, and (c) not ironically appropriated by a viral web meme. Sadly, these criteria more or less render Rick Astley a nonstarter.

Still, in my more vulnerable moments of web-surfing I kind of foster this inchoate hope to be rickrolled, i.e., I click on every hyperlink in sight under the delusion that maybe, say, NYTimes.com will rickroll me. It's like the trope of the lonely guy who, on his birthday, periodically flings open the front door in hopes of being "surprised" by a bouquet of flowers or festively-wrapped fruit basket or singing telegram or enormous cardboard check courtesy of the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol, only to find his stoop unadorned.

So to cut to the chase, earlier today I rickrolled myself, and when the YouTube video ended I clicked "play again," and there's simply no saying when it's all going to end.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

a cover letter

Dear Company ________,
I am writing to you regarding the _______ position. I am thrilled to be considered for this opportunity. I've applied for approximately six thousand other jobs that have not called me to schedule an interview and, upon finding this job listing, came to understand that I would be able to complete this job while simultaneously g-chatting and playing 5 games of Scrabulous. Additionally, I would receive health benefits under your employ. These are values I strongly adhere to. I am honored to be considered for this position and would love to become a member of your team, in spite of the fact I have never heard of your organization (seriously, who has?).
As my resume will surely help you to understand, I am very overqualified for this job. In fact, there are chimpanzees that are very overqualified for this job. Nevertheless, you probably won't call me, because you probably only call NYU students. They are exorbitantly wealthy and there are zillions of them, true, and living in Virginia for the undergraduate years hasn't taught me much about the rich cultural fabric of New York City, true. But they are just idiots with good haircuts. Come on, you know its true.
So, employer, call me. Seriously. Help me end this depersonalizing charade called "the job search." As a skilled and smart human being, I don't want to deal with this inexplicable rejection any longer, and you don't want to expend the effort to go through all those remaining resumes. You won't be disappointed.

Yours,
Caitlyn Smith

P.S. I'm cute.

P.P.S. I know where you live.